You Don't Know How it Feels
by Aozame Yokujin
Summary: Songfic of Wolfwood. "You Don't Know How it Feels" by Tom Petty. It takes place during ep 23... SPOILERS!


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AN: Well, I wrote "Blue" before this one… Yes, I'm the same person, but my account is messed up. Anyway, my Wolfwood muse got jealous cos I was thinking about the sexiness that is Legato more than the sexiness that is Wolfwood, so he mused this song on me… ^^;; it fits well for his state of mind, I hope I did it justice.

*  
Let me run with you tonight,  
I'll take you on a moonlight ride.  
There's someone I used to see,  
But she don't give a damn for me.  
*

Wolfwood stood, staring out the window. The cigarette in his mouth burned down slowly, the smoke dissipating into the air. Milly was asleep a few feet away curled up on his bed. He stared at her for a while, frowning. Why did she do this? It had been wonderful, but Wolfwood found that he couldn't sleep. He had this nagging feeling in the back of his head… Telling him that he didn't deserve her… That he had tainted her.

That his angel had fallen and it was his fault.

Wolfwood moved his gaze from the sleeping woman to the window. Chapel was in the city… somewhere… He had to make a choice… Kill Vash, or be killed by Knives… Was that it? Were those the only choices? Vash would insist that there was another way, without killing. Maybe there was, but Wolfwood didn't see any other alternative. He took a long drag from the cigarette and sighed. Why were the things that came so easily to Vash and Milly, so hard for him?

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*  
Well, let me get to the point,  
Let's roll another joint,  
And turn the radio loud,   
Until we long to be proud!  
You don't know how it feels,   
You don't know how it feels to be me.  
*

Wolfwood stood outside of the small house sucking on a cigarette slowly. He'd made up his mind. He'd kill him. That's what Knives wanted, and Vash was too much of an idealist. Knives would certainly kill him if Wolfwood didn't. However, Knives would make it a slow, painful death. Wolfwood hoped to just get it over with, make it quick and painless… He respected Vash too much to make it painful. He dropped the stub of the cigarette and put it out with his heel, just as the door opened.

Vash stepped into the morning sun, looking very determined.

"Are you going to leave without saying goodbye?" Wolfwood inquired impishly.

Vash turned around to face the priest. Wolfwood pushed his sunglasses up and smiled. Vash frowned slightly as Wolfwood approached him. They stood apart, facing one another.

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*  
People come, people go,  
Some grow young and some grow cold,  
I woke up in between a memory and a dream   
*

"I shouldn't have hit you the other day… I'm sorry," Wolfwood said, searching Vash's face for something… anything. _I need a reason. I need a reason to kill him. Why am I thinking this? I've never needed a reason before! Why do I need a reason to kill him!? So I can have an excuse to tell the girls?_

"It's alright," Vash replied softly. This was the real Vash. Not the Vash with the empty smile, not the goofy Vash, not the moron everyone loved. This was the Vash that was 138 years old, with an unfathomable IQ, Knives' brother.

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*  
So let's get to the point  
Let's roll another joint  
And lets ahead on down the road  
To somewhere I gotta go  
And you don't know how it feels,  
You don't know how it feels, to be me.  
*

"Listen, Wolfwood. I think it could have been avoided-" Vash began.

"Not another word!" Wolfwood spat angrily. Here was his excuse. Wolfwood popped the latches that held the cloth on his Cross and pulled back the large gun, facing it toward Vash. Vash's eyes widened and he gasped in surprise at Wolfwood's outburst.

"We live too differently! You and I were destined to come to this!" Wolfwood growled. "Let's settle that Quick Draw tournament we started right here and now!"

"But why!?" Vash entreated.

__

Because you don't know what it's like being me… "If I tell you, will you die? Draw!" Wolfwood snapped back.

Vash only stood there, silent.

"DRAW!" Wolfwood shouted at him, and fired a shot. Vash stayed silent for a moment longer_. He doesn't understand; he'll never understand; he's not me; he's nothing like me; he's a stupid idealist._

"All right," he said finally. "But will you do something in return?"

"…What?"  
"When this is over, you'll never shoot anyone ever again…"

"So I'll just become a living target like you?" Wolfwood replied, narrowing his eyes. Vash only shook his head. "So what do you plan to do about this?"

"…I don't know."

"Answer me one thing! What do you intend to do when you see Knives?"

"He stole someone I loved from me."

"You want revenge?"

"I don't know… I don't know!"

"…I see, so that's how you live… That's how you _choose _to live." Wolfwood lowered his gun and looked at Vash with an amused smile. "You know, you're an expert at pissing me off."

"Wolfwood?" A gunshot was heard.

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Damn him! He drives me insane! Wolfwood thought as he ran forward to protect Vash from the incoming bullet.

*  
_My old man was born to run  
But he's still trying to beat the gun   
Think of me what you will  
I got a little space to feel  
*_

Vash was sitting on the car, looking very serious. Wolfwood shook his head and walked up to the blonde man.

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I think I finally get you. You'll never understand me, but I think I finally understand you… Thanks Vash.

"What's wrong?" he asked softly. Vash didn't look up.

"I failed to save another life…" Vash replied.

__

Don't feel so bad… at least you saved this one, before it was too late…

"Oh well, mortal men are bound to make mistakes… Just be more careful next time."

"It isn't something I can accept that easily, Wolfwood!" Vash argued. Wolfwood shrugged.

"Then let it get to you." Vash looked up at the priest, who smiled. "That is also part of being mortal."

"…Mortal…" Vash whispered and looked away from Wolfwood.

"Knives is in Demitrihi," Wolfwood said suddenly. Vash's eyes widened.

"Knives?" he inquired. Then Vash frowned. "Wolfwood… How do you know that?" There was no reply. Vash looked up to find Wolfwood gone, only a trail of blood hinting at where he had gone.

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*  
So let's get to the point  
Let's roll another joint   
And let's head on down the road   
To somewhere I gotta go  
And you don't know how it feels,  
You don't know how it feels,  
No you don't know how it feels to be me,  
You don't know how feels,  
You don't know how it feels,  
No, you don't know what it feels, to be me


End file.
